Side Effects and More

Side effect number one -
Out of control emotions.

People keep telling me it's normal to be emotional when you're pregnant. But is it normal to burst into tears for little or no apparent reason? I'm up to three such outbursts to date. Now, I'm not referring to times I've teared up, had to try my best to hold back tears I knew where trying to get out, or even cried during a conversation. I'm talking about the times an innnocent bystander has asked me a simple, harmless question, and I in response have burst out sobbing.


Side effect number two -
Exhaustion.

There's a baby growing in my tummy, and all of the books I've read say this can be tiring for my body, especially during the first few months. It is. I've never been so tired in my life. So imagine my surprise this morning when I went to the pharmacy to pick up the progesterone my doctor prescribed and the pharmacist told me that one of the side effects is drowsiness. Drowsiness? Really? I wanted to ask her if that means I'm going to have more energy from the progesterone and move from utterly exhausted to just "drowsy," or if I'm going to have less energy and just pass out on the floor every time I stand up? I didn't ask. I guess I'll find out tomorrow.


Besides being over emotional and exhausted, I'm feeling pretty good. After all, there is a baby growing in my tummy! And it's my baby and Grant's baby. It's our baby. Today I was thinking about when God told Jeremiah, “I knew you before I formed you in your mother’s womb," and it made me think about God forming baby in my tummy right now. That's so amazing! And not only is God the one forming baby in my tummy, but God already knows baby. And that's really who baby belongs to. Knowing that makes me so happy.


When I first found out that I was pregnant, I was really worried because of all of the cramps and stomach pains I'd been having. I was scared to let myself get too excited, because I knew that the more excited I got and the more I let myself love baby, the more devistated I would be if something happened. So I was trying to figure out when I would feel sure that baby would be ok. Would it be when I got my first ultra sound? When I got to my second trimester? My third? But with each question came more fears and thoughts of things that could go wrong. So I wondered to myself if maybe I would have to wait until baby was born to be sure that everything was going to be ok. But lets face it, I'm just going to have a whole new set of fears when that happens.

I'm left with only one sure choice, and that is to remember who baby really belongs to - God. And if I've learned anything in this life, it's that I can trust Him. Not that things will always go the way I hope, or even pray they will. But that no matter happens, whether life brings joy or pain, God has a bigger plan than I can ever see. And I can trust Him.



And I find myself being reminded of what God has taught me so many times before. He wants me to love. And after all, 1 Corinthians 13:8 says that love never fails. Yes, love is risky and often even ends up hurt. But it never fails.



Those fears still creep in, but now I just won't let them stop me from loving baby. Completely. With all my heart.